how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
