Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
