I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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