drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize