hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
