i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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