I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
