playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
