You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
