Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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