I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
