i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
