i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
