You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
