Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Two words: blizzard sex
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
