just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
