I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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