I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
