absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
