I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
