I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
