my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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