He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
