My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
