I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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