Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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