i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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