I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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