this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The power of my boobs compel you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
