the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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