Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
