My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
