Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
