yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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