that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
