He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
