Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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