Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
