i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
