Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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