I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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