what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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