This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
