she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sex in a hospital.. check
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
