'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
