You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
