I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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