All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
