so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
