I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
