Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My vagina is very pro this idea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
