booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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