and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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