he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
